What to Do When Schools Don’t Follow the IEP Process

If you’re here, chances are something already feels off.

Maybe services aren’t happening the way they’re written. Maybe communication has gotten inconsistent or confusing. Maybe decisions seem to be happening without you. Or maybe you just have that gut feeling that things aren’t being handled the way they should be.

You’re probably right.

This is one of the hardest parts of navigating an IEP. Not learning the process, but realizing that even when there is a process, it doesn’t always get followed the way it’s supposed to.

The first thing I want to say is this. You’re not being difficult for noticing it. You’re not asking for too much. You’re responding to something real.

When things start to feel messy, it’s usually because everything is happening informally. Conversations at pickup. Quick phone calls. Verbal agreements. Things that sound helpful in the moment but don’t actually lead to consistent follow through.

The most helpful shift you can make is moving everything into writing.

Instead of trying to catch someone in person or waiting for a call back, send a short email. It doesn’t need to be long or emotional. Just clear. You can say something like, “I’m noticing that my child is not consistently receiving the supports outlined in their IEP. I’d like to meet to review this.”

That one step changes the dynamic. It creates a record, and it makes it much harder for things to be brushed aside or forgotten.

If you’re not getting responses, follow up. You’re allowed to do that. You’re also allowed to be direct. You can request an IEP meeting at any time. You don’t have to wait for the annual meeting, and you don’t need permission to ask for one.

Sometimes schools will try to handle things outside of a formal meeting. They might suggest small changes, behavior charts, or new supports without actually updating the IEP. Some of those things can be helpful, but if it’s something that needs to be consistent or relied on, it should be part of the IEP. Otherwise it’s easy for it to disappear.

If behavior is becoming a bigger concern, ask directly about a Functional Behavior Assessment and a Behavior Intervention Plan. Those are the tools schools are supposed to use, and asking for them helps move things out of the vague “we’re working on it” space and into something more structured.

It’s also okay to bring support with you. That could be another person, an advocate, or just someone who can listen and take notes. It changes how meetings feel, and it can help you stay grounded if things get overwhelming.

One thing I see a lot is parents getting worn down. After enough back and forth, it can start to feel like nothing is going to change, especially if communication is poor or if you don’t feel supported by the school.

If you’re feeling that way, take a step back and simplify. What is the one or two things your child needs right now that aren’t happening? Focus there. You don’t have to solve everything at once.

There are also more formal options if things continue not to improve. That can include escalating concerns to the district, filing complaints, or requesting mediation. Those steps exist for a reason, but they can feel like a big jump, so most parents try the written communication and meeting route first.

The goal isn’t to fight the school. It’s to get things back into a process that actually works.

And if you’re feeling overwhelmed by all of this, that makes sense. This system asks a lot of parents, especially at the beginning. You’re learning as you go, while also trying to make sure your child is getting what they need.

You’re allowed to ask questions. You’re allowed to expect follow through. And you’re allowed to push for things to be done the way they’re supposed to be done.

You’re not alone in this, even if it feels that way sometimes.

The IEP Process: What Should Be Happening (and What to Expect)

If you’re new to IEPs, it can feel confusing pretty quickly.

A lot of parents I talk to say the same thing: it feels like decisions are happening around them instead of with them. Most of the time, that’s not because you’re missing something It’s because no one has clearly explained how the process is supposed to work.

It usually starts with a concern. That might be something you’ve noticed, something a teacher brings up, or a diagnosis you share with the school, like autism. At that point, nothing formal has happened yet, but it should start a conversation about whether your child needs more support.

Before the school can add services or make changes to an IEP, they typically need to do evaluations. That can include academic testing, speech or language assessments, or behavior observations. If behavior is a concern, they might do something called a Functional Behavior Assessment (FBA). They do need your permission before doing any of this, and it’s important to know that sharing a diagnosis doesn’t automatically change the IEP. It usually means the school should consider doing more evaluating.

Once evaluations are done, the team meets to decide if your child qualifies for services and what their needs are. This happens in a formal meeting, and you are part of that team. Typically, states set the qualification standards. Some school-districts control the qualification standard to a degree. It is vital that you understand these standards.

That meeting is where the IEP is actually built. You’ll go over goals, services like speech or OT, supports and accommodations (like breaks, or extra time for assignments), and possibly a behavior plan. You should get notice ahead of time, be able to attend, and have space to ask questions and give input. This isn’t something that’s supposed to be pieced together informally or decided behind the scenes.

Once the IEP is in place, the school is supposed to follow it. If it says your child gets two breaks, they should be getting two breaks. If there’s a behavior plan, it should actually be used consistently. The IEP isn’t optional—it’s a legal document.

The school should also be tracking how your child is doing and keeping you updated. If something isn’t working, adjustments should be made. This is one of the most common places things break down, especially when communication is inconsistent.

IEPs are reviewed at least once a year, but you don’t have to wait that long. If something isn’t working, you can request a meeting at any time.

Where things tend to go wrong is pretty predictable: communication is slow or unclear, decisions start happening informally, parents aren’t included early enough, or supports just aren’t followed consistently. If you’ve felt that way, you’re not imagining it.

One small shift that makes a big difference is putting things in writing. Instead of saying, “Can we talk about this?” try, “I’m requesting an IEP meeting to review my child’s needs.” It moves things from informal to formal, and schools tend to respond differently when it’s documented.

At the end of the day, you’re not asking for too much by expecting clear communication, to be included, and for the IEP to actually be followed. That’s how the process is supposed to work.

If things already feel messy or off, I wrote a follow-up on what to do next:
What to Do When Schools Don’t Follow the IEP Process

Redefining Success for Your Child in School

When most people think about success in school, they picture good grades, staying on level, and keeping up with peers.

But for many students, especially those with IEPs or 504 plans, that version of success doesn’t tell the whole story.

And honestly, it can do more harm than good.

I’ve worked in schools long enough to see what actually matters. Success is not always about being “on grade level.” It’s about growth, access, and confidence.

For some students, success might look like:

• completing work independently for the first time

• using supports like speech-to-text without frustration

• staying regulated during a full lesson

• making even small academic gains over time

Those are real wins.

The problem is that schools sometimes push a one-size-fits-all definition of success. That can lead to decisions like retention or removing supports too early, even when those choices don’t actually help the child.

And here’s something important that doesn’t get said enough:

Students receiving special education services rarely benefit from retention. It often repeats the same experience without addressing the underlying need.

Instead, success should be built around:

• appropriate supports

• realistic, individualized goals

• steady, measurable growth

If your child has an IEP or 504, you have the right to push for a definition of success that actually fits your child — not just the system.

You don’t have to accept a narrow version of progress.

If you’re unsure whether your child’s plan is truly supporting their growth, or you feel like the expectations don’t match their needs, I can help you sort through it and figure out your next steps.

What to Do When a School Isn’t Following an IEP

If you have a child with an IEP, you’ve probably had that moment where something feels off.

Does any of this sound familiar?

Maybe accommodations aren’t happening.
Maybe services are inconsistent.
Maybe communication is vague or missing entirely.

And you’re left wondering: Is this allowed?

Short answer: no. But what to do next isn’t always obvious.

What schools are supposed to do…

An IEP is a legal document.

That means schools are required to:

• provide the services listed

• implement the accommodations consistently

• follow the plan as written

Not “when possible.” Not “when there’s time.” Not “when staff is available.”

The school’s reality…

In reality, breakdowns happen:

• staff shortages

• lack of training

• poor communication

• unclear systems

Sometimes it’s not intentional. But it still affects your child.

Get specific

Before escalating anything, get clear on:

• what the IEP says should be happening

• what is actually happening

Examples:

• “Speech 2x per week” → happening once or not at all

• “Extended time” → not being offered during tests

• “Small group support” → child placed in full class setting

Write it down. Document, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT!

Be direct but, use a calm message

Reach out to the teacher or case manager. You always catch more flies with honey!

Keep it simple and focused:

“I noticed that [specific support] isn’t happening consistently. Can you help me understand what’s going on and how we can make sure it’s implemented?”

You’re not accusing. You’re documenting and opening the door.

If you STILL feel stuck…

If things don’t improve:

• follow up in writing (email)

• reference the IEP directly

• keep communication clear and factual

This creates a record, which is important.

Request a meeting

If the issue continues: request an IEP meeting

You can say:

“I’d like to meet to review how the IEP is being implemented and make sure supports are in place.”

This signals that you’re taking it seriously.

Know your leverage

You don’t have to threaten anything. In fact, never threaten!

But understand:

• schools are legally responsible for implementation

• consistent failure to follow an IEP is a compliance issue

If you’re dealing with this right now

This is one of the most common situations I see. I receive daily messages about this exact problem.

It’s frustrating because you know what your child needs, and it’s already been agreed to. It’s just not happening.

If you want help figuring out what to say or how to approach it, I offer support for situations like this.

When the School Refuses to Evaluate

One of the most frustrating things a parent can hear is:

“We don’t think an evaluation is necessary.” Especially when you’re seeing your child struggle.

Schools sometimes delay or deny evaluations for different reasons. They may want to try general interventions first, or they may not fully understand what you’re seeing at home.

But here’s the key point:

You have the right to request an evaluation. And that request matters.

If you suspect your child may need support, you can make a formal request in writing. Once that happens, the school is required to respond.

A good starting point is a simple email:

“I am requesting a comprehensive evaluation for my child to determine if they qualify for special education services. I have concerns about [briefly describe concerns]. Please let me know the next steps.”

Keep it direct and in writing.

After that, the school will either:

• agree and move forward with the evaluation

• ask for more information

• or deny the request (they must explain why)

If they deny it, they are required to provide written notice explaining their decision.

At that point, you still have options.

You can:

• ask for clarification

• provide additional information

• request a meeting

• or pursue outside evaluation routes

The important thing is this:

A “no” from the school is not always the final answer.

Sometimes it just means the request needs to be clearer, better documented, or pushed a bit further.

If you’re being told no and it doesn’t feel right, trust that instinct.

You don’t have to navigate that process alone.

If you want help figuring out how to move forward, what to say next, or how to strengthen your request, I can help you take the next step with confidence.

Should My Child Be Retained? A Special Eudcation Perspective

It’s a question a lot of parents face, especially when their child is struggling:

“Should my child repeat the grade?”

On the surface, it can sound reasonable. More time, more practice, a chance to catch up.

But for students with IEPs or 504 plans, retention often doesn’t work the way people hope it will.

I’ve seen this decision play out many times in schools. And while every situation is different, one pattern is consistent:

Retention rarely addresses the actual problem.

What retention is supposed to do

The idea behind retention is simple:

• give the student more time

• repeat the material

• allow them to improve

But this only works if the issue was time or exposure. For many students receiving support, that’s not the real issue.

What’s actually going on

If a child has:

• a learning disability

• a processing delay

• attention challenges

• or difficulty accessing instruction

then repeating the same grade without changing the support often leads to the same outcome.

It’s the same instruction, same expectations, same gaps.

What research and practice show

In both research and real school settings, retention:

• does not significantly improve long-term academic outcomes

• can negatively impact confidence and motivation

• may increase disengagement over time

And for students already receiving special education services, those risks can be even higher.

What to look at instead

Before agreeing to retention, it’s worth asking:

• Are the supports in the IEP actually being implemented consistently?

• Are the goals appropriate and measurable?

• Does your child have access to the curriculum in a way that works for them?

• Have interventions been adjusted based on data?

If those pieces are not in place, retention won’t fix the problem.