The IEP Process: What Should Be Happening (and What to Expect)
If you’re new to IEPs, it can feel confusing pretty quickly.
A lot of parents I talk to say the same thing: it feels like decisions are happening around them instead of with them. Most of the time, that’s not because you’re missing something It’s because no one has clearly explained how the process is supposed to work.
It usually starts with a concern. That might be something you’ve noticed, something a teacher brings up, or a diagnosis you share with the school, like autism. At that point, nothing formal has happened yet, but it should start a conversation about whether your child needs more support.
Before the school can add services or make changes to an IEP, they typically need to do evaluations. That can include academic testing, speech or language assessments, or behavior observations. If behavior is a concern, they might do something called a Functional Behavior Assessment (FBA). They do need your permission before doing any of this, and it’s important to know that sharing a diagnosis doesn’t automatically change the IEP. It usually means the school should consider doing more evaluating.
Once evaluations are done, the team meets to decide if your child qualifies for services and what their needs are. This happens in a formal meeting, and you are part of that team. Typically, states set the qualification standards. Some school-districts control the qualification standard to a degree. It is vital that you understand these standards.
That meeting is where the IEP is actually built. You’ll go over goals, services like speech or OT, supports and accommodations (like breaks, or extra time for assignments), and possibly a behavior plan. You should get notice ahead of time, be able to attend, and have space to ask questions and give input. This isn’t something that’s supposed to be pieced together informally or decided behind the scenes.
Once the IEP is in place, the school is supposed to follow it. If it says your child gets two breaks, they should be getting two breaks. If there’s a behavior plan, it should actually be used consistently. The IEP isn’t optional—it’s a legal document.
The school should also be tracking how your child is doing and keeping you updated. If something isn’t working, adjustments should be made. This is one of the most common places things break down, especially when communication is inconsistent.
IEPs are reviewed at least once a year, but you don’t have to wait that long. If something isn’t working, you can request a meeting at any time.
Where things tend to go wrong is pretty predictable: communication is slow or unclear, decisions start happening informally, parents aren’t included early enough, or supports just aren’t followed consistently. If you’ve felt that way, you’re not imagining it.
One small shift that makes a big difference is putting things in writing. Instead of saying, “Can we talk about this?” try, “I’m requesting an IEP meeting to review my child’s needs.” It moves things from informal to formal, and schools tend to respond differently when it’s documented.
At the end of the day, you’re not asking for too much by expecting clear communication, to be included, and for the IEP to actually be followed. That’s how the process is supposed to work.
If things already feel messy or off, I wrote a follow-up on what to do next:
What to Do When Schools Don’t Follow the IEP Process
